Empty Walls

This is Box 1. It weighs 48.5 lbs, and contains some of the things we’re planning to take to Germany. It currently has 11 siblings, either suitcases or footlockers like this one. Each one has been filled, pressed down, and weighed to the tenth of a pound. There almost certainly will be more.

I’m sitting here in the quiet taking a coffee break…a moment of calm amidst the chaos. It seems like a whirlwind has struck all around me and transformed my nice, quiet life into something exciting and unpredictable. Many of you have asked what is going on with is; when do we leave, what is the plan, how is it going to work, and so forth. My short answer is, “I’m not sure.”

We are prayerfully planning to depart 3 weeks from yesterday. We are making plans and acting like this is what is going to happen. The vast majority of our bags are packed, the local charities and many of our friends and family have been blessed with a large portion of our possessions, and a number of things are in the process of being listed for sale.

This nail-and-hook combo (and the one further behind it on the wall) used to hold a collage of photos of Miranda and Dale from all the places we’ve been blessed to travel. Now we’ve packed away those photos, as we’re being called—once again—to travel far from home.

As I look around my living room, I see the empty nails where pictures once hung. In many ways, it feels like we have dismantled our life here in Houston and we are in limbo before we will begin our new life in Germany. We are excited for this move and for the new role in service to God that will come with it! However, I have experienced a sort of grief as we prepare to leave the familiar. The grief took me by surprise, but I have tried hard to truly experience all of it. When the kids are sad or acting out, we talk about it. I want to take it all in – all that God is leading us through. I want to feel All Of The Feelings and walk this road at the pace that God has placed before me.

This is not always how I have lived. It is my tendency to rush through things to get to what is next. I thrive on excitement and change. I’ve never been a “savor the moment” gal. This time is different. For the last few weeks, Psalm 90 has been my dwelling place:

“Teach us to number our days so that we may truly live and achieve wisdom… With every sun’s rising, surprise us with Your love, satisfy us with Your kindness.  Then we will sing with joy and celebrate every day we are alive” (vs 12, 14)

Entire rooms of my house have only beds inside. In 36 hours, the kids and I will be temporarily moving to my parents’ house so that Dale and some very loving and generous family members can fix, paint, and prepare our house to be rented. We don’t have plane tickets yet because we haven’t reached 100% of our budget. 12 bags sit in my front room weighed and measured for the international flight. Everything is in the air. My natural tendency is to be in panic mode, but I can say with confidence that we are patiently trusting God with the timing and transition of this calling He has placed on our family. My deepest desire is to truly live and achieve wisdom in the path before me today. My walls are empty, but my hands are outstretched and waiting for what God will place in them.