This post began as a FaceBook status, but quickly became much too long for a status.
Those of you who know me very well may already know these things about me, but for the rest of you, knowing these things may help you understand me just a little bit better:
• The state of my house frequently reflects the state of my mind. House in chaos=brain in chaos.
• I LOVE old hymns. The depth of the lyrics, the harmony and intricate melody, the rich history of the song, and the memories of my grandmother singing them all get me in a deep-down, soul-grabbing way.
• I care what people think. I know I shouldn’t, and this feeds my people-pleasing nature. I constantly seek to examine my motives and whom I am attempting to please, but this is an ongoing struggle for me.
• I like to have a plan. When I have a plan, I (feel like I) can conquer anything. No logistical feat is too big; no plan is too complex. Everything can be accomplished if one can plan it out.
• I am an introvert. I have become more introverted since becoming a parent (it probably has something to do with being surrounded by my favorite little people all of the time).
• It is frequently my tendency to push myself harder than I should. I thrive in high-stress scenarios (at least for a while).
All of these facts are important for you to keep in mind as I tell you about my day and what God has impressed on my heart tonight.
We are coming off of a long couple of weeks. Dale was in Angola for 2 weeks during which key technological devices malfunctioned, I had important doctor’s appointments to find out the results of a massive amount of testing and receive official diagnoses for Wolverine, began experimenting with medications for his needs, got pretty sick, and spent time with family visiting from out of town. Throw preparation work for ICC Training in a couple of weeks and attempting to keep up with Partnership Development, and you have a recipe for one Overwhelmed Mama.
After Dale’s arrival yesterday morning on the red-eye from Luanda, Angola, we took the kids to my amazing parents’ house while we had lunch with our representative from a partnering church. We got home before rush hour in time for dinner and bedtime. We helped a friend prepare to move, visited the Apple store in an attempt to fix the aforementioned technological failure, and visited our alma mater, Houston Baptist University for an Alumni Association tailgate party to celebrate the opening of our new football stadium. In all of this chaos, our children had enough. Let’s just say they were not their usual selves and were pretty out of control by the time we got to HBU. Adding to their craziness were heat, overstimulation, and cookies. After we finally arrived home and everyone was finally asleep (including my jet-lagged husband), I made a feeble attempt to keep up with the housework before sitting down.
Our schedule is not firm, my house is out of control, I feel like I am disappointing people left and right, I have made and discarded so many plans it is comical, and I can’t remember the last time I had quality alone time during the waking hours.
This is where my reflection begins. A series of beautiful hymns cued onto my playlist including “Blessed Assurance”, “What A Friend We Have in Jesus”, and “Just As I Am”. God spoke to my overwhelmed, anxious heart with His words of peace and assurance. The familiar lyrics continue to echo in my heart and mind and waves of peace wash over my soul.
As I sit here with the dishwasher swishing and the dryer tumbling in the background, I am reminded once again that this calling is not about me. It is not about us. It is about a holy God who has planned these moments in our lives for his glory. The same God who controls the galaxy controls my days. The familiar words of Psalm 46:10 come to my mind. “Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Therefore, I am sitting here tonight in peace and patient anticipation of what God will do in and through us during the next days, weeks, and months as we transition into full-time service with Wycliffe. I don’t have any more information about the date we will finish our partnership development, who God will call to complete our financial partnership team, or what date we will get on a plane to fly to Germany. However, all of that matters so much less which I remember that it’s not about me, my plans, or my agenda. It is about God’s Word, His Plan, and His agenda. My job is wait. My prayer is that He will show me what He is teaching me in the waiting.